Self-Induced

 

his name alone, once a bringer

of delight so sure. now leaves me

in hollow, empty despair.

 

his name alone, stains my

soul and life in a way that

causes hope and a thing named

acceptance foreign.

 

his name alone, drenches me in

salty sea that exists between us.

 

if this what you want, then

i’ll comply.

 

if this is what will make you happy, then

i’ll suffer this way of living devoid of all.

 

i cannot hate him. though i wish i could.

if i could hate him enough to curse his name

and birth:

motivation spurned on by a hate as hollow

and pure as my heart.

 

if this is what you want, then at least be happy.

be happy because i cannot.

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