Tag Archives: insomnia

4 December 2016

Bones which knew no past existence
declare their right to life,
with nails and acid
that deteriorate cartilage guilt-free,
radiating from the extremes
to the buried heart within.

Sleep bypasses.
Quite rightly so.
An intelligent guest who
knows its better to enter
a peaceful, quiet home instead
of this toy soldier war-zone.

I cast no blame;
utter apologies
to my appendages
’til turmoil is
achieved in the head.

Walking is a past dream,
unsure if the life which
dreamt it was even mine.

My bones, dissent.
They are not mine.
They have seceded this Union,
an agreement in the past
that had been perfectly fine.

Toss and turn on the back which is still.
The sunrise is overrated: I see its
colours drench my walls.

Traffic hums,
my body still burns.
Shipping forecasts appear
and submerge.

When it rains it pours
and when it pours it
pours acid.
A new wrinkle on my face has
made itself cosy and warm.

At least someone is content
and has won from this war.

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3AM Ramblin’s: Converse Alone

Swim in sea of self-doubt and most of the time
I can swim, but others, I drown
and it fills my nostrils and mouth.
Deafening me,
chocking me,
seizing me
downward
and down.

Funny how
one can travel so far
when affixed in bed.

A Taunting Mind

A mind that taunts one
thousand thoughts in the thick layers of the night.

What is it that brings this mis-timed
mind into the daylight hours
when the moon still catches-light?

Visions of binging fingers
continuously grazing the
palette of yours.

Imposter, frauded and fooling
those of who I am not.

What can this rest bring that
I cannot reach during the day?
Why must I sleep when it does nothing
but pass the day into days,
counting and reshuffling, forcing
me to move on?

Layer-thin walls.
I hear in them my fighting thoughts.

Oh how I miss your face.
Oh how I miss your voice.
Oh how I love you so.

And how alone and cold the weeknights and ends are.

Mistakes mixed with days

The ringing in my ears
refuse to quiet now.
Now, I’m alone, with
nothing to show save
the loose contents
of my bank account.

Spent three days
drinking and thinking
and not trying to think
about you –
but it hasn’t worked.
Not like it was supposed to
but it makes it feel
better – this idea of losing
you – when downing a
drink and two….

I’m digging a ditch.
I building the walls
so that the next time I meet
someone half-as-good as you
they won’t fall down and
reveal the worn-out-wasted
broken-shattered me.

This is about me,
dealing with the ‘about you’,
and words lose diction,
meaning falling down.

Ears reminded, hearing
the melody of the song
from us, about a long time ago,
when things were new and
falling-in-love wasn’t a choice
but a rule.

But now I’m digging a ditch.
Building myself in from the world and you
as I drown. I’m not sure what to do but
swim in this blackened pool,
but arms get tired.
And the mind cannot live
in a cave built for one.

I’m digging a ditch,
building the walls so that the
next time I meet someone half
as good as you,
they won’t know the worn-out
wasted-broken-shattered version
of me as you knew.

23 April 2015

Tonight let us be filled with
hate and pretend that
it is love between you
and I.

The door is locked, no one’ll
know the difference for love
and hate sound
the same to covered
eyes, the unknowing
gaze.

I’ll take one for
the road – because God
knows I’ll miss it
when I start to
forget you.

The words, the face,
the pace of the way you spoke.
But I couldn’t dare
forget the closest thing
we shares; the mirrored
difference of peaceful love.

The closest I’ll get for at
least another night.
Until light breaks in love
dwells in hate.